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Noise, Live, Victoria

Tirades and Brigades

Now that things have seemingly returned to normal for an undetermined period of time, so does the routine. The stitches are out so I can stop making excuses for not going to the gym; let me remind you though that sweat in wounds still stings a lot. I don't know what constitutes a good workout album anymore, so I've been putting on The Sisters of Mercy "Floodland" album because frankly, it's a really catchy album (save for one or two sinkers). Anyone who knows me little will attach the goth stigma that comes with that album, everyone else knows me well enough to do otherwise. The pigeonholing margin is small, probably 1% because I'm not announcing it to everyone I encounter, but fuck that. I will defend my disassociation with that subculture as much as Andrew Eldritch does. When you see Mindless Self Indulgence, Djarum Blacks, and Jhonen Vasquez in my interests, let me know because I will then need to kill myself in the manliest, un-goth way possible (though my suicide will still cave to the goth stereotype). Perhaps something unsuspecting, like a bus accident.

 

 

If you don't see the joke here, I can't help you.
 
 
Tasteless topical jokes aside, my other half of the weekend involved acquiring the new Will Wright toys-for-universe-building-blocks-for-children timesink SPORE.  I discussed this with my friend briefly who had a feeling I was going to be let down by this, and I was. Allow me to explain why though. I first became aware of spore approximately 2 years ago, when It was still in development and things floated around and churned in the rumor mill. I found out by sheer fluke as I was reading up on Brian Eno because I was in another one of those phases where the only thing to sedate me after a long day of getting screamed at by entitled yanks was Music for Airports. I kept it on watch, not like suicide watch (we already made those jokes, I'll stop now) but more of a concerned parent or avid Psilocybin mushroom grower. The occasional check up to make sure things were moving along and not stagnating because I wanted the spoils all to myself. As the date grew closer and things were finalized, I was psyching myself up for what I had hoped to be a deep, challenging and most of all, fun game. I unwrapped it yesterday, started around noon and ended at around 9 or 10PM, completely appalled at the fact that I was more or less done with it. I don't mean done as in for the night, but as in I wanted my money back.



There's not enough room to spin in Charles Darwin's grave...


I can handle the cutesy stuff, but the biggest letdown for me was the promises made by Maxis at the time when i was first reading about it. What happened to the consistent evolution of a species as it formed and turned into something different? Instead it's replaced by a consistent state of editing and re-editing. Think E.V.O. for the SNES (if you're that old school) but instead of constantly adapting and having potential drawbacks to your actions, you instead have a cosmetic editor that does essentially nothing. If I have 6 arms I should be able to beat the fuck out of some; if not many people (even Goro). In SPORE, you could have a monster with 60 legs and he still moves as fast as any other creature, thus eliminating any sort of Darwinist approach the game may have had hoped for, and scoring some negative points with the Anthropology crowd.



Richard Leaky don't like playin' games with this shit...


My review may seem a tad bit rushed, but after reading several other reviews like this, it appears I'm not the only one on the lonely mountain of bitterness. I know GameFAQ's is not word of god, nor should it be, but some valid points were raised. There isn't much depth to it; a game that seems like it you could throw the elderly into it's depths and guarantee certain death.  Strip back the layers and you have a series of connecting games that as far as I'm concerned were done before, and done much better.  You could spend the same amount of money from a copy of SPORE and buy every game that this one specifically tries to be like. Fuck, you could play some of them for free even (see Jenova Chen's flOw if you haven't already), and you can imagine that you're slaughtering something other than a village full of creatures that look like a stuffed animal you win at a carnival.

For anyone that was TL;DR on this. I think this image sums it up:



Hey now, hey now now, sing this sporrosion to me...


I swear to god I will not make that joke ever again.

PS. As a side note: GREYHOUND BUSES KILL JUGGALOS, NOT GOTHS.

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Noise, Live, Victoria

November 2008

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